Flekkie for backline coach!!! Look at what he did for the Stormers.

PDV. Jou ma se p—!!! WTF were you thinking?
Best right wing in SA coming off the bench… What kind met djou my blah?
Best inside center is South Africa playing wing… Is djy dan kens my klont?
Ricky the FAT and SLOW once in a while LUCKY BREAKER as starting scrum-half. Djytie gedinkie ne my gazzie? Darem drie of vier beter scrumhalves in die land – Ruan Pienaar eerste op daai lysie ne?

Habana… Time to man up buddy – Phone Flekkie.
Spies… Make a tackle sometime chum – Phone Butch.
Front row… A scrumming coach is needed – Phone OS.

PDV – Time for you to:
Stick your AA players/favourites in the bin and put players on the park that can bring CONSISTENT TOP PERFORMANCE to the team… Who have been bringing CONSISTENT TOP PERFORMANCE to their Super 14 teams all season.
AND…
of course… RUK REG man!!!

PLAN B:
New coach – Too late for us to get Robbie Deans (Best coach in the world).
New backline coach – Dick Muir has been useless. Our defense has gone downhill. Robbie Fleck would make a good backline coach.
How do they get out of thier contracts… SARU buys them out…

John Smith – Too slow. Retread him as a tight head prop to keep his experience on the park for three more years. Train an understudy captain in the meantime.
Matfield – Getting old boet. Time to retire.
Chillie – WTF? We have at least three better hookers sitting in SA waiting for a gap.
Spies – Get some tackling practice NOW.
Januarie – Thanks for your time – now go.
Wynand – Jean should be playing there. Don’t get too comfortable.
Zane – My china, lets make that tackle next time, ne?

PACK – Hit the F—— RUCK HARD AND CLEAR IT. My under nines know how and what to do there to win turnovers and slow opposition ball down. Why do you have such a problem doing it?
BACKS – Lets have a real tackle sometime. The one where you don’t lie down and let the other player gain another five meters while you drag him down on top of you, putting you out of the next cover tackle. Yes, the OTHER one where you SMASH the d— with the ball backwards, knocking the ball on or away from his support, land on top of him, bounce off and leave him out of the cover support.

This is NOT rocket science – stuff you buggers may have forgotten since you under fifteen days – I hope the reminder helps. It may also help to actually watch the match video and see how pathetic you looked while New Zealand knocked the shit out of you at the ruck and in the tackle. (I will grant that the ref may have helped them do this – the point is YOU were going in like PANSIES)

I’m sure you will try harder against ArseTraileeer, but I’m not holding my breath – our coaching brainstrust just seems to be no match for anyone at the moment. We were OUT-THOUGHT by New Zealand before the match and it showed on the park.

FREE HINT – The better prepared team usually wins… Not the better team. And New Zealand was better prepared.

@Mike, De Jong is in the match day 22 this weekend. vd Heever didn’t get a look in. Apparently Frans Steyn and PDV are being bitchy towards one another, but no one is really telling the whole truth there.